17 August 2006

(Hi Mom.)

Our office manager just came into our office. "We found the missing UPS box. Jaime, it's for you."

"Oh, great. There was a missing UPS box?"

These are the things I miss because my department's situated in a walk-in closet in the back of the office. Seems the UPS guy had come into the office and said someone stole a box of ours off his cart. They probably saw the "drugstore.com" all over the box and thought it would be a prescription pill goldmine. What a disappointment when they opened it to find vitamins and hand lotion. Although I do have half a prescription of Vicodin and an almost-full bottle of muscle relaxers at home if anyone wants.

Once the bandits decided they didn't want my vitamins and hand lotion, they abandoned the box, and its contents, where it soon was found. Probably by an employee of the Christain bookstore. And then the office manager walked in our door rifling through the contents, I assume to make sure they were all there. So it's a really good thing that when I was taking advantage of drugstore.com's low low prices, I didn't spring for this. It was really close, too, because I think sex toys are best when they look like the lovechild of C3PO and an array of dentist's tools. That's hot. And something I want within ten feet of my crotch. Plugged into a socket. (Are those bristles on the side of the main attachment??)

[I tried to make a little photomontage of C3PO and a dental drill gazing at each other longingly, but I don't have Photoshop at work, and there's really only so much one can do with paint.]

Between this and the bachelorette party post, I feel really bad for the people coming to my blog through a dirty google search. I put "John Hodgman" and "cock" within three words of each other. I'm really, really sorry.

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