15 August 2006

john hodgman, strippers, homos, and COCK

okay, so, i tried to do this last night, set down the items that've been floating around my head lately, and then my computer froze. ugh. it wasn't even that much good writing in the first place, but now it's just going to come out like dreck. not like that's stopped me before or anything.

so. first of all. saturday was my stepsister's bachelorette party. i've been gearing up for this for weeks. not because i thought it was going to be fun or anything. on the contrary, i was dreading it like a motherfucker. (how would you feel about going here?) no, i was gearing up for it because i knew that my reward for enduring two hours of scary shiny half-naked men would be to come here and share it with you. hunk-o-rama = blogging goldmine.

it turned out to be much less horrible than i'd thought it might be. (far less gay than expected - only a few suspiciously groomed eyebrows. though they did strip to "greased lightning." oh, and, "AND I'M TELLING YOU I'M NOT GOING." which, i guess, is the GAYEST THING EVER.) it especially wasn't horrible compared to the pre-hunk-o-rama dinner. well, dinner wasn't too bad. (n.b., by the way, to those of you wandering 9th ave in the 50s looking for a nice dinner place - mangia e bevi, which looks mild-manered enough, is, at least on saturday nights, chock full o' bachelorette parties. i wish someone had warned the couple of tourist families we saw there that night. craziness!) it was more the wait outside for our table, 20 minutes at an outdoor table with a person wearing this:

yeah, that was fun. especially for the nice australian family trying to eat dinner at one of the outdoor tables. "mommy, why does she have a peepee on her head?" yeah.

so a little contemplation (on my part) of the phallic/fertility-rite implications of the dick mask, and a lot of "not when i get married" running through my head. i just really don't get it. if you're going to have a 'last hurrah' of craziness before you submit to the ball & chain, go have lots of sex with lots of people. i think that's what i'm gonna do. "look, honey, bachelor parties are silly. what's the point. if we really want to say goodbye to our unfettered lives, let's each take a weekend, hit the east village, and have as much random anonymous sex as possible. then we'll be ready to commit to each other for the rest of our lives." just the two of us and a family of STDs. either that, or just forget the whole stupid thing. you don't have to say goodbye to your friends after you get married, and if this is your 'last chance' to wear a penis on your head, well, first of all, there's something wrong with your marriage, and second of all, why is that something you're going to miss??

more coming soon or tomorrow on faith healer & step up. and yes, i saw them in the same day.

5 comments:

Rocco said...

So you finally saw the HEALER? Anxiously awaiting your thoughts. Also your reaction Isherwood's piece about Miss Jones this weekend.

Jeremy said...

I was wondering who that poor PC guy was. I think they should have a commercial where he accidentally catches fire a la those Dell laptop batteries. Or maybe that would just be too cruel. After all, I was once a PC user too. Not so very long ago, either.

But what does he have to do with the penis hat?!?!

Jeremy said...

P.S. It took me actually going to a New Pornographers show to realize that's where you got the latest Surplus tagline. ;-)

Jaime said...

John Hodgman's there for the computer-freeze that made me have to re-write the post. Because it's a PC. (Like him.) And froze. For no reason.

John said...

I CANNOT BELIEVE YOU WENT TO HUNK-O-RAMA! I am so fricken jealous. I have always dreamt of being allowed to go to Hunk-O-Rama. Sigh. Someday I will be a hunk-o-rama dancer just to be near them.

I also can't believe you went while I was away and unable to enjoy the immediate reaction.

I also am so happy to be home.

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