20 March 2007

Pwned? What Does That Even Mean?

I have recently developed a shameful, shameful habit. It involves the looking at of cute animal pictures on the internet, and then sending links to select pictures to Kate. (When she replies with “Oh my God!” I don’t know if it’s “Oh my God, why are you such a loser?” or “Oh my God, that is the cutest wittle bitty kitty ever and I just want to eat him up!”)

The shame is really in the looking at them. Sending them to Kate is just a way of turning it into evil fun, because it A, annoys her, and B, reminds her that James and I have decided that two wrasslin cats is enough for our teensy abode. Kate wants a kitten like nobody’s business. I don’t know why a fat troublemaker and mentally challenged depressive aren’t cat enough. Such greed.

The thing about sites like these is that I think of them as... stupid. Cool NYC theatre professionals don’t look at cute stuff on the internet. It’s so Middle-America, so middle-management, so sweatshirts with Christmas trees and leggings and NO IRONY, and also that girl I worked with a few years ago and really didn't like. I’m dark, I’m edgy, I’m jaded and this herbal tea I’m drinking? Totally spiked with whiskey.

It’s not even just about image. Unless someone goes rifling through my bloglines subscriptions, there’s no way to know about this dark secret unless you’re the roommate I’m subjecting to all the links. But it actually gave me a small internal conflict – what’s next? Anne Geddes? Oh god – I just remembered a day in high school, working the register at Barnes & Noble, and paging through The Blue Day Book and liking it. I feel dirty. Simple and common and pedestrian and dirty. I’m supposed to be discerning and intelligent and I wear a decent amount of black. I am not some cubicle drone in Paramus with bobble-heads and beanie babies perched on her monitor. I hate bobble-heads. So why the cute fucking cats?

I like looking at cute shit. (Especially cute shit with occasionally funny shit written on it.) (And yes, I’m saying “cute shit” instead of “cute animals” or “cute stuff” because I need to balance out the gayness with some cussing.) Looking at a picture a hamster in someone’s pocket or whatever makes me feel a little better. To be totally gay in a different way, it makes me feel more positive. Positive energy, blah blah blah. Yeah, I totally can’t be sincere about this at all.

But anyway. Hi. My name is Jaime. And I like looking at pictures of cute animals on the internet. But I curse a lot, so it’s okay.

(Lest we forget...)

7 comments:

Moxie said...

"Cool NYC theatre professionals don’t look at cute stuff on the internet."

Except for the entire casting office of one particular theater... www.cuteoverload.com is all I have to say. It's a constant battle to resist the alluring "set as desktop" option.

JJW said...

I too must come forward.

And while I'm at it... OMG!

What about the Animal Planet Cuddle Corner?!?!?!?

Seth Christenfeld said...

I am one hundred percent about the cute shit.

Kathryn said...

alright. in my defense (though i HARDLY need to make one, after you made yourself come across as comPLETELY lame):
1. we DO have room for a third cat. MY room. opening my door opens up a solid 15% more room.
2. you do NOT drink whisky, liar. you tried. you failed.
3. you're an idiot. i'm not sure i can find many more magazine covers that so accurately depict this fact.

are three million bloggers going to yell at me for being mean? ok, don't worry everyone. jaime is my pal. i'm just trying to save her...

CrimeNotes said...

Everybody goes through a Cute Overload stage. A couple work friends and I -- all of us total badasses -- got a little wound up about that site a year or two ago. If you start to feel like a wuss, you can balance it out by visiting this:

http://whatjeffkilled.com/

Jaime said...

It's mostly actually I CAN HAS CHEEZBURGER? for me. I mean, I look at the others, I like cute fuzzies, but there's something about the retarded semi-british interweb-speak that really gets me.

And Kate, I have no idea what you're talking about in your item number 3. I mean why you're calling me an idiot.

Mark S. said...

Jaime: I love you.

That's all.

-Mark

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