06 June 2007

I Have All Of The Answers, Some Of The Time

I recently started cultivation of a Chia Herb Garden. Perched on the only sill in the apartment that gets sun and isn't also either directly in front of an air conditioner or my head when I sleep, it seems to not be enough, because one by one my little pots of some-day-down-the-line culinary bliss are dying off. I had thought of documenting the herbs' growth photojournalistically, but turns out it's for the best I didn't, 'cause this would've been too depressing. The dill and marjoram are matted tangles of brown and wilted sprouts, and the cilantro, once the heroic overachiever of the four varieties, is fading fast. All that's really left is the basil, my favorite herb in the world (seriously), which though not visibly dying has completely stalled in its growth, and I'm in this panic that I need to transplant the things into real soil (rather than the Chia Growing Sponge) or else all will be lost. Except on Saturday I saw that potted herbs (already-grown-up herbs, rather than these anxietous sproutlings) at the Union Square farmers market cost less than new pots & soil. So sorry, little basil. I will be sad to see you go.

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My apartment smells vaguely like cat pee, which, in case you didn't know, does not smell like people pee but like harsh eye-burning ammonia. I caught Meg peeing on the mat outside the litterbox this weekend, which I took to be both an uncharacteristic act of defiance and the source of the smell - from the looks of the mat, it wasn't the first time. (This is totes gross, isn't it - is it worse to not have a boyfriend because you're boring and unattractive or because your apartment smells like cat pee?) I cleaned it up (we were, of course, out of paper towels, so I wiped everything down with Clorox wipes - later I wondered if the ammonia/bleach combination could have done me damage, like in that episode of "Who's the Boss") but it's still not-too-fresh in here. But just now, this morning, thinking of my plans to scrub the litterbox tonight (fun) I remembered this (scroll down), and so I also will blame my apartment's cat pee smell on Joe's little brother.

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Problems I have yet to solve: how to keep my room clean for longer than a week at a time; the looming three months of frizzy hair; world peace; how to translate my encyclopedic knowledge of calorie content (scroll down) into not eating melted chocolate chips for dinner (maybe answer - don't keep chocolate chips in the house?); oh, and actually eradicating the cat pee smell.


riese said...

I wish I could translate my encyclopedic knowledge of calorie content into actually eating bagels. I've been afraid of bagels for 8 years. I'm just like "seriously dude, that thing is like, 500 calories and will fill me up for about 30 seconds. No thanks. But thanks. If I'm gonna waste that many on processed carbs, please pass me some cookies." And then they look at me like "what do you weigh, 100 pounds?" and I'm like "shut up." (side note: obvs I weigh much more than 100 pounds, but you know what i mean.) 'Cause even though I haven't counted in years and years, certain foods still stick in my head. Old habits die hard.

So that's all, I've got no advice whatsoever. Also, no advice on herbs or cats, but I would recommend getting rid of the cats.

Jaime said...

I can't respond to any of that except for you ganging up on me, along with my old doctor, to get rid of the cats. Why can't you just give me allergy medicine and make the cat not pee on the wall and let me be happy?