28 January 2008

"Seventh and Probably Final"

I will be at a reading tonight, so please, someone do this for me?

Wonkette's Eighth Annual G.W. Bush State of the Union Drinking Game

(I'm tempted to make James DVR it so we can do it this weekend, but that's just too retarded. And would also force me to watch the thing.)

I have much love for cleverly-devised (and cleverly devising - when will "The Tudors" come back?!) drinking games, and this one, while elaborate, is a keeper. Even the preamble. God, I love Wonkette.

You’ll want to assemble the drinking supplies close by the teevee, so you don’t miss a moment of this historic bullshit. Don’t be the kind of anti-American loser who needs to “find the salt” when things get ugly. Be prepared. If you aren’t ready to be American, we’re sure France would love to have you back. (Just kidding. They don’t want you, either.)

It’s George’s last big speech! Prepare five (5) shot glasses per person, and fill each with 1.5 (one point five) ounces of liquor. (If you can’t handle real booze, make five little margaritas or something, and make sure to get your mom’s permission first!) It is okay to chill your liquor if that’s what you like to do.

Behind this “surge line,” assemble a second “surrender line” of secondary beverages. If you like beer, just put the six pack right there where it can’t get lost. Winos will just need a bottle of wine, uncorked and ready, and maybe a wine glass. Hell, put out a bowl of rummed-up eggnog if that’s how you want to act. You can also put a jug of water on the floor under the table, by the gun, as long as nobody can see it.

If you’re Christopher Hitchens, just put the scotch on the table where it always is, and drink as usual.

This is also prime:

Drink one shot simultaneously from three different parts of your living room when somebody says:
  • Lee Harvey Oswald.
Please, do it for me.

1 comment:

Crabby McSlacker said...

God I love Wonkette. Yet no amount of alcohol in the world could get me to watch GWB; even if I'd caught that post in time I'd have rather banged my head against the wall for the duration of the speech than listen to that awful man.