12 September 2008

Open Letter (Which Shouldn't Really Be Open or, Like, On the Internet)

Dear Redheaded Dude Who Sells Peanuts and Juggles on a Unicycle at Cyclones Games,

You, sir, are awesome.

I like what you do. You sell peanuts for the first six or seven innings, then you start juggling as you walk through the stands, and by the seventh inning stretch you're unicycling from one end of the dugout to the other, juggling clubs and impressively not breaking your neck. Then you chill and watch some baseball, or maybe sell some more peanuts. You were a major highlight of the game last Friday night, perhaps second only to the fact that at the top of the tenth inning, the game had to be held for fireworks.

I love Minor League baseball.

Saturday night I met a guy who-- well, let's relive the conversation:

Me: So what do you do, in your job at Shea and Yankee stadiums?
Him: Do you go to baseball games?
Me: Yeah.
Him: Have you ever bought a beer at a baseball game?
Me: No, but I'm aware that it happens.
Him: What about a hot dog?
Me: I've bought Dippin' Dots.
Him: But you have to get up to get those.
Me: Uh, yeah.
Him: Well I work for the concessions company at both stadiums. I've worked in middle management and sales...

The short version that, alas, we skipped, was "I'm the 'beer here' dude." But then I would've missed learning that "some days I count inventory, then go into the stands and sell, clock out, and go home. Other days I come in earlier and do a lot of inventory, count a whole room, make sure we're stocked..." But the relevant thing here is that after learning what this guy did, I tried to bring up you and your unicycling ways.

I thought, Here's some common ground. I thought, Here's a recent, pertinent, and pleasant anecdote I can share. I thought, The unicycling juggling peanut vendor was really cool, and this guy will enjoy hearing about him and his delightful ways.

That's what I thought, silly me. What our expert on stadium vending thought, though, and told me, was that, yeah, he knows you and what you do, and you're not maximizing your earning potential.

Because obviously one goes into juggling at Minor League Baseball games for the cash.

(That's why I went into theatre, for sure.)

Well fear not, Redheaded Dude Who Sells Peanuts and Juggles on a Unicycle at Cyclones Games. I set him straight, did not make out with him, and then blogged about it for all the internet to read.

Also, do you have a girlfriend?

Not a big enough dork already without a juggler in my life,


No Sleep Here said...

Dearest Jaime,

Juggling hipster carny = bad boyfriend.



Anonymous said...


-Juggling Peanut Dude