14 November 2008

In the Usual Spot

From an email sent to my office, explaining what I just put in the "usual place" where we leave snacks for public consumption:

When I was little, my dad and I came up with the idea for an amazing invention – gummi worms filled with strawberry syrup “blood,” coated with chocolate “dirt,” for extra realistic gross-out effect. (I know now, of course, that worms don’t have mammal-style blood.) So my dad called me the other day to tell me he’d found something very closely approximating our invention. (We also came up with the idea for Movie Fone before it existed, but we were going to charge per call, which obvs would’ve failed.) So, on post-Halloween sale, my dad saw, and bought, gummi body parts. (He said, “I know you’re mature, but your office will probably enjoy this.) When he called me to get my shipping address, I didn’t realize he’d bought an ENTIRE COFFIN of gummi body parts. Nor, sadly, that the gummi body parts are NOT filled with any approximation of blood. But, um, they’re edible, and in the usual place. Enjoy?

Visual aid:

(And then my dad called and I thanked him and he said he was a little worried since it's MADE IN CHINA, so I asked what the symptoms of Melamine poisoning are. "Attraction to men and marriage." So then I called him an asshole, and then apologized for calling him an asshole, but then we both agreed that calling him an asshole then was kinda fair. Oh, also, today's his birthday.)

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